Have you ever asked yourselves what is love?
Volumes of books have been written on this topic and the people keep discussing about it on an everyday bases, trying to come up with an appropriate definition that refers to their emotions of strong attraction and personal attachment to a particular person. While some of them, perhaps rightfully say that love cannot be defined, but only felt, others such as the famous best-selling book writer Paulo Coelho, confidently suggest that “Love is not just a feeling, it is an art”.
Basically, the love can be described as the synergistic masterpiece, of the two fundamental forms of personal affection, which are the affinity and understanding.
Affinity – The basic form of love
The affinity is a positive emotional reaction that we feel for a particular person. This reaction is manifested as a preference and desire to communicate with the person to whom we have an affinity.
Hence, we want these people, to be in our nearness, so we can interact with them. When a particular person to whom we have an affinity has been gone for a while, we have a feeling that we are starting to miss that person. This comes from the fact that the place that we have awarded in our hearts, to the person for whom we have an affinity, has been vacant for a longer period of a time. This emptiness creates an emotional vacuum in our soul, so we instinctively try to fill that void. Respectively, when we miss someone, it means that we need to bring that person back in our lives, or ultimately replace him or her with someone else.
Essentially, we always feel an affinity (love) to the people that help us to fill some sort of mental, emotional or physical emptiness. These people give us something that we actually need. Therefore, we want them to be part of our everyday lives in our personal world.
Having said the above, no matter how odd it may sound, “I love you”, basically means “I need you.” In contrary,“I don’t love you” means “I do not need you”, or “you disturb me.”
Acceptability – The advanced form of love
The acceptability is the highest form of love that we can give without asking for anything in return. Unlike with the affinity, by accepting the people and things as they are, we do not feel the need to fill any gaps in our hearts and souls.
Eventually, we begin to accept the things and people, only if we fill these gaps of emptiness that we feel in ourselves. Hence, we can be completely satisfied only if we are capable of accepting and understanding. And to accept someone, means having an ability to face with this person and understand his/her personal character and needs.
However, we have to be really careful. Accepting and understanding the people that we love as they are, doesn’t mean going against ourselves by tolerating something or someone, that no one else would. We are simply under no obligation to accept or understand people who bring us down.
After all, when we say that we love a particular person, we do not force ourselves to tolerate his or her behavior and personality. We simply like to be with that person by our own free will, so we can grow together through our mutual respect, affinities, acceptance and understanding.